Zoe's good enough, but we know it's only in appearance and we don't know when we're going back to Mexico.
There are stages in the disease where you feel overwhelmed, lost, and that is still the case today..
A week now lost whilst we await further information . English side but also Mexican with these treatments we need pending, as we reach the 7 weeks without treatment on November 21, day of our next treatment initially planned, and when we should have left this Friday.
Zoe is asking me when we're going leave to show Cordelia the little suitcase we found, or introduce her little dog to her game console.
But we're stuck. Stuck because I admit I'm afraid to travel alone with Zoe with that risk of stroke threatening. Fear of the worst. Also stuck because Zoe is on aspirin and platelet on a daily basis, which are incompatible with our Mexican treatment, and that we cannot take any additional risk without medical advice.
It is very difficult for me to describe what state we are in. Anxiety, frustration, anger, incomprehension, sadness, fatigue, impatience, our impotence, faced with the gravity of the situation and all that inconsistency around, everywhere. If love could save you Zoe, you'd be out of danger for a long time, princess, and you'd live your life as a child and we'd be happy, we'd be really happy.
Last night in bed, Zoe asked me to help her turn her on one side and while I was doing it she added " Why when I was little I could do it all by myself?" her innocent reflection obviously has me pained, and for the first time, I didn't want to lie to her and answered her almost naturally that it was because she was " sick "... and she answered me " Ah ok...", like some kind of acceptance, Resignation. What does she know? What does she think?